how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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