where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
