i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I currently don't understand fingers.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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