Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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