Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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