i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
