I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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