My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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