your thong is hanging out like whoa
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
