R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
