someone owes me an orgasm
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
