I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
