dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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