Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
