Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
