I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Every concussion has its silver lining
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
