He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
