Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize