Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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