New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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