I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
