i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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