she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
