There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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