Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
