I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
