You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
