No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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