I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you traded sex for a burrito?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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