i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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