i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
