she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
