You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
