Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
