People in love make me want to vomit
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i out mim tonsoeep
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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