1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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