that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
