I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
