im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
