Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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