I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
two words...techno handjob
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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