omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
