I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
