If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
