batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
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