You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
