he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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