Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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