I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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