I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Four minutes until I can fart!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
