In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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