i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
