i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
