help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
