i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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