eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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