The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
