In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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