dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
