i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
