i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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