the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
