he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
