I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
