saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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