definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
