he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
