and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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