think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
