I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
