how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
